Find value in others.

I have always applied this within my dojo, I am now finding myself applying it in multiple areas of my life... even to those I do not value.

The purpose of doing such is to affect your future interactions.  In the dojo I do it so as to avoid any negative pre-conceptions which might come up later.  It allows me to continue teaching someone as well as I can without letting any conceptions which are negative to build up.

It is part of martial arts philosophy in the fact that if you find a reason to like someone... it normally takes a lot to alter that perception... where if we see someone negatively off the bat, it tends to color that perception almost as long.

The hard part is trying to do it with people you already have a negative perception of.  In many cases I am having to decide if their presense is of value or not.

And in a few cases I have had to decide they are not.

How many times have I cam to a web board and interacted with someone while I did not value them?  I wonder how that would have changed if I had valued them previously.

For anyone posting here, I want to value you as a person and hope you find value in what I present.  And I hope my example can lead to helping others to have more balanced lives then they do.

I've found that in general, it is easier to change your mind when the first impression was negative. It might be because we set low expectations for those who rub us the wrong way, and a low bar is easy to exceed.

When you've formed a higher opinion of someone, on the other hand, the bar gets set high, sometimes so high that you run the risk of putting someone on a pedestal. There is no way to go from a pedestal, but down.

I too seek to value each person here - without putting them on a pedestal or demonizing them.

“Wherever you look, there is something to be seen.” - The Talmud

I do not see our posts at odds but think they look to different values.  For I agree it is bad to set a high bar for someone new (except of course if they are performing a service you plan on paying for.)

From my perspective, what I speak to happens before I start to set a bar... more it becomes the reason why I do.  If I may, I perceive that I can be more apathetic then you when it comes to others.  Which is to say I routinely will not notice anothers presense for a while and can see someone as all but invisible to me, even interacting until their presense makes its first attempt to impact my current path.  I do this because my instinct is to initially judge their threat level... which I actively try not to do.  I perceive you notice someone sooner then I do... one of the advantages of being young.  =)

One of the advantages for me of a website, no threat beyond my personal feelings (which is more my issue then theirs) so engagement is far easier.

Would another of the advantages of being young (and not a threat) is that you feel pulled to offering your help to me? I've seen you like to jump in to rescue, an aspect maybe of how you've come to define yourself over the years?

You as an individual, I do not see you need much help from me.  But I do like to help if I can.

Micheal I do not care about the value in others. I follow or carve my own path. I seldom follow others or their paths. I set the bar to my standard and to hell with the rest of you or what you think or do not think. I do not care if you like hate or despise me. I have decided I cant stand you and I have no intention on changing my mind on that. Yes I did this with a purpose in mind. If it works I get what I want from you.

Dragonmaster wrote:1. Micheal I do not care about the value in others. 2. I follow or carve my own path. 3. I seldom follow others or their paths. 4.I set the bar to my standard and to hell with the rest of you or what you think or do not think. 5. I do not care if you like hate or despise me. 6. I have decided I cant stand you and I have no intention on changing my mind on that. 7. Yes I did this with a purpose in mind. 8.If it works I get what I want from you.

For clarity sake, I took the liberty of numbering each points.  Given how all over the place this post was, it makes it easier to respond to it piecemeal.
Not a bad thing, I have utilized the tactic before so I know the purpose of it.

1.  Here you lie or you would not be posting.  You find value either in the fact that I posted it, or in the direction given to you to post in it.  Do not know which, but you do value others.

2.  Good for you, I do as well.

3.  More often then naught, I am used to others following my path, I do find myself following with another down their path, but this is because I like having my path intertwine with others.  This is how community arises.
The Dalia Lama was asked one time what was the greatest downfall of western civilization.  His answer was simple.  Community.  The breaking down of bonds between individuals and segregating people into smaller and smaller groups.  Because of this, we have lost our sense of being apart of something greater then ourselves... even making the mistake of thinking their isn't anything greater then ourselves.
History has proven time and again great civilizations climb in unity, then shatter in disorganization. 

4.  What if you set the bar and no one cared that you did it?  It matters little to me, I probably would have to look down upon your bar from mine... but that's none of my business. 

5.  Where I believe that is true, what if I am apathetic to you?  That you do not illicit an emotional response from me?

6.  This one is just silly.  Of course you can stand me, hence why you called me out here.  If you could not stand me, you would wish NOT to engage me.  Which you are welcome to do at your convenience one way or another.  And as you come here, I will respond.  But that is the nature of a web site... you post, you have to understand someone will respond... PARTICULARLY when you try to stop them from doing such.  Your power over another only goes to the extent they allow you to have it.  If I get tired of you, I will simply stop responding to you.  Hence the power I have over me.  You have proven you do not have such self control... pity really as it contradicts your wording a fair amount of time.  You should watch what your actions say for they always will tell the story of a person, not their words.

7.  The purpose of course was to illicit emotion.  The scattershot you did is meant to hit an individual from multiple angles.  Which typically has a possibility of unbalancing a person and getting them to care less which leads to an emotional response.  Usually anger.  I, however, am curious about you, so have decided to entertain your interactions with me. 

8.  You will probably lock onto answer 4 as your victory.  Me being arrogant in thinking my standards are higher then yours.  If they are or not though is honestly none of my concern.  I said it to poke the bear so to speak.
The truth... or lack thereof, will be demonstrated in the fullness of time.

Yes your more intelligent than I thought. You might even be interesting. You might be a worthwhile person to know. It could be to my benefit to get to know you. When all is said and done I just don't like you and cant stand you. The only victory that I could have over you is for you to tell me to leave you alone and you failed to respond as I wanted you to, so I lost.

When all else fails resort to a tactic that works. I wall resort to using old faithful.

Sad.

Life tends to be more rewarding when victory is taken out of the little things.

If that is your only victory, life might not be very enjoyable.

Mine was getting you to respond to someone you cannot stand... life is good on this end.

/BOWS

This is the weirdest conversation...

It's alright VV... I am sure he despises, hates, reviles... and responds to you too. 

ya think? Cuz I was feelin left out!